once-in-a-lifetime

I have a confession to make. I'm a closet fan of the infamous reality television show "The Bachelor" (gasp). It's a guilty pleasure I've engaged in watching and following with different girlfriends over the years, more for the sake of pure fun and entertainment than with any real expectation of a happily-ever-after ending.

Anyone who's watched, recently, knows of the fallout that has resulted from the latest bachelor changing his mind about the woman he chose during the show, instead dumping her and choosing to pursue a post-show relationship with the runner-up. It's not that I care, really, about either one of the women. Nor do I care about the bachelor's ultimate decision: in fact, I agree that the least amount of farce, the most honest response (regardless of the throngs of disappointed tv-watchers) is best in dealing with the post-show, real-life situation. These are not just fictional characters; rather, they are real people attempting to make a real relationship work in the real world.

As for their 15-minutes of fame, this too shall pass.
However, there is something that the rejected woman said in those drama-filled moments that has stuck with me, that I relate to on so many levels:

"To me, getting engaged and finding that person was a...
once-in-a-lifetime thing, and you took that from me. You took it.
I wish, more than anything...that you would have just let me go.
Instead of doing this to me.
I'm so mad at you!
I'm so mad at you."

Oh, do I ever understand those words. These days, that's pretty much exactly how I feel. I don't regret where I am. I'm not unhappy, or even unsatisfied with the way things are now. But I am mad. I feel betrayed. I feel used. I wanted a once-in-a-lifetime engagement, and more than that: I wanted a once-in-a-lifetime wedding, the start of a once-in-a-lifetime marriage. I thought I had it. Obviously, he didn't. More than anything else, that is what makes me mad. I wish he'd just figured it out a bit sooner. I wish he hadn't taken those moments from me, left me with memories that I wish I didn't have. So. I'll make those words my own.

To me, getting engaged and finding that person was a
once-in-a-lifetime thing, and he took that from me. He took it.
I wish, more than anything, that he would have just let me go.
Instead of doing this to me.
I am so mad at him!
I am so mad at him.

And that is why this song will forever make me cry.

Part of me has died
And won't return
And part of me wants to hide
The part that's burned

Once, once
I knew how to talk to you
Once, once
But not any more

Part of me has vied
To watch it burn
And the heart of me has tried
But look what it's become

Once, once
I knew where to look for you
Once, once
But that was before

Once, once
I would have laid down and died for you
Once, once
But not any more

Once,
Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova