It's Saturday, there's snow on the ground, and I'm taking a day to exhale.
(Wait. Wasn't I just blogging about summertime? What happened?)
The past couple of weeks (months?) have been pretty crazy. I find myself saying that more often than not, to the point where it's no longer a valid excuse.
(Wait. Wasn't I just blogging about summertime? What happened?)
The past couple of weeks (months?) have been pretty crazy. I find myself saying that more often than not, to the point where it's no longer a valid excuse.
I'm busy.
But I'm always busy.
So what? It's no excuse at all. When you want to make time, you make time.
Or else you let things slide and let the 'busy' excuse dictate your life.
Like blogging, for example.
Truth be told, the last few weeks (months?) I haven't really wanted to say anything.
Not because I don't have anything to say, although at times it does feel as though all the creative marrow has been sucked right out of me.
Not because I don't have a million things going on in my head that I absolutely need to process through written expression.
Not even because I'm lazy or unmotivated.
Nope. The truth is that I've been really struggling with comparison lately. The bad kind of comparison, the kind that has me evaluating everything and feeling like I don't measure up; the kind that has me wanting to hang back, hidden in the shadows of the far corner, afraid I'll get ridiculed or, even worse, completely dismissed once I get up on the stage.
Even if that stage is blogging.
Let me clarify: this is not, I repeat, not a pity party I'm throwing for myself. Not at all. I'm fulfilled, I'm happily in love, surrounded by a circle of the best people one could hope for, and Christmas is around the corner. If I'm crying these days, it's tears of joy (or it's watching Christmas commericals. Seriously. I'm such a suck) that stream down my face.
I think it's that I'm about to take a giant leap of faith, leave the comfortable and the ordinary and the familiar and venture into an arena where, if I'm not completely okay with being centre stage, I will crash and burn and fail miserably in an industry that is entirely about self-promotion.
One of these days, I have to start to affirm to myself that my voice, my words, are worthy of being heard; that lurking in the shadows, too afraid to step forward, is not the destiny I was created for. I want this, I have dreamed of this, I continue to believe myself capable of this more with every day.
Now, I just have to stop comparing myself to everyone else.
Easier said than done.
Or else you let things slide and let the 'busy' excuse dictate your life.
Like blogging, for example.
Truth be told, the last few weeks (months?) I haven't really wanted to say anything.
Not because I don't have anything to say, although at times it does feel as though all the creative marrow has been sucked right out of me.
Not because I don't have a million things going on in my head that I absolutely need to process through written expression.
Not even because I'm lazy or unmotivated.
Nope. The truth is that I've been really struggling with comparison lately. The bad kind of comparison, the kind that has me evaluating everything and feeling like I don't measure up; the kind that has me wanting to hang back, hidden in the shadows of the far corner, afraid I'll get ridiculed or, even worse, completely dismissed once I get up on the stage.
Even if that stage is blogging.
Let me clarify: this is not, I repeat, not a pity party I'm throwing for myself. Not at all. I'm fulfilled, I'm happily in love, surrounded by a circle of the best people one could hope for, and Christmas is around the corner. If I'm crying these days, it's tears of joy (or it's watching Christmas commericals. Seriously. I'm such a suck) that stream down my face.
I think it's that I'm about to take a giant leap of faith, leave the comfortable and the ordinary and the familiar and venture into an arena where, if I'm not completely okay with being centre stage, I will crash and burn and fail miserably in an industry that is entirely about self-promotion.
One of these days, I have to start to affirm to myself that my voice, my words, are worthy of being heard; that lurking in the shadows, too afraid to step forward, is not the destiny I was created for. I want this, I have dreamed of this, I continue to believe myself capable of this more with every day.
Now, I just have to stop comparing myself to everyone else.
Easier said than done.
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