summer days, drifting away

It smells like autumn outside. The dense, humid, hard-to-breathe air that slowly permeated then completely saturated the city throughout June and July is lifting; replaced by cooler breezes and crisp leaves starting to float down from the trees, the summer is ever-so-subtly fading into fall.

Dear Lord, do I ever need this season to change.

I needed a break this year. True. I needed time to regroup, to refocus, to relax and recharge. I have certainly spent the last few months doing exactly that, especially the past six weeks. In the month of August alone I have read ten sizable books, and that's not even counting the two separate occasions I went into the library with a coffee, needing a change in scenery from my apartment, and read an entire paperback in a couple of hours. Yes, I read inordinately quickly. Yes, I sometimes (often) use reading as an escape from real life. (It's better than the brain-drain of television, and I will staunchly defend that to the bitter end.)

But why no blogging, you ask? Why no revelatory monologues on what I'm learning, how I'm growing, who I'm becoming? Why no daily updates, with all this new-found time? Well. Remember a few months back when I was complaining of being busy?

Here, let me refresh your memory.
"The past couple of weeks (months?) have been pretty crazy. I find myself saying that more often than not, to the point where it's no longer a valid excuse.

I'm busy.
But I'm always busy.

So what? It's no excuse at all. When you want to make time, you do.
Or else you let things slide and let the 'busy' excuse dictate your life."

Let me revise that for you just slightly now.
The past couple of weeks (months?) have been pretty tedious. I find myself saying that more often than not, to the point where it's no longer a valid excuse.

I'm bored.
But I'm always bored.

So what? It's no excuse at all. When you want to make time, you do.
Or else you let things slide, let the days pass by, and let 'boredom' dictate your life.

And that is kind of where I'm at now. I have nothing very interesting to say, these days, and I'm keeping the world at arm's length as a result. J. gets the brunt of my boredom-induced banality, and things are certainly sliding, days are perpetually passing me by, and boredom is definitely my daily dictator. Sheesh, am I ever a bad homebody, and I can only exercise so much daily before my body protests, stiff and sore for the next day's workout. It gets irksome to answer the innocently-intended "so, what's new with you this summer?" with the same answer every single time.

Nothing.
Nothing is new. Nothing is exciting.
I'm so freaking bored I could cry.

I know it's a season, and long, lazy summer days with every weekend spent at the cottage is hardly something to complain about. I'm not this person, though, and while summer started off lovely and languorous, it's getting harder and harder to pretend I'm still enjoying it. I'm not a bump-on-a-log-watching-the-world-pass-by kind of a person. I need to be in the thick of things, need to feel like I have somewhere to go and something to do at all times. When I don't, I don't even want to be social. It's too hard to hear about other people's busy lives. Twisted, huh?

The tiresome task of job-hunting is a necessary evil, and seems to be torturing me with its agonizingly, painstakingly gradual process. Even if slow-and-steady is what ultimately wins the race, I'm feeling the need for instant gratification here and now. My creativity is crying. My sanity is screaming. My bank account is bawling.
I am so done with this season.

However, I'm still looking forward to one last week away. Our annual super-extended long weekend up at J.'s cottage is just around the corner. You can imagine why I'm excited if you remember last year's post-cottage reminiscence. In the past, it's been much-needed down time for both of us...and while J. has been working himself to the bone with 12-hour work days (he left for work before 6:30am this morning, and I won't expect him home until close to 7pm) and definitely needs the break, I just need to get out of the city, off the couch, into nature for a few more days. A prescription for good food, fine wine, long talks, midday strolls and midnight swims with my love is the best kind of boredom therapy.

Oh. And if you want a couple of good books to read this fall, check these out:
Left Neglected by Lisa Genova and Room by Emma Donoghue.

If you do, let me know what you think!